As a midwife we learn a lot about breast feeling but that didn’t always help me when I was on my own breast feeding journey!

Breast feeding my first baby was a dream, he had no issues whatsoever so when I was pregnant with  my second baby I was expecting a pretty similar smooth ride!

As you may have read from my birth stories blog Parker had to unexpectedly go the neonatal unit when he was born as his respiratory system was taking longer to adjust to being born, and he needed some additional support, I had been doing some hand expressing at home and freezing it just in case it was needed, which it was, unfortunately I didn’t get it up to the hospital in time for his first feed so the neonatal nurses did ask to give him formula, i felt so conflicted with this decision, on the one hand I knew he obviously needed feeding, otherwise they wouldn’t have asked, but I had also planned for breast milk to be his first feed so i had a long hard serious talk with myself afterwards and knew I’d made the best decision despite my previous expectations. My hubby brought up my stash of about 9mls of colostrum, which I was really proud of myself about, and he had all of that in about one feed!

The hospital were really supportive and as we were in for a few days after his birth I asked to see the infant feeding midwife as I was concerned he may have a tongue tie, not something I’d experienced with my first, and in my postnatal haze I wasn’t sure if what I was experiencing was normal for the first few days of breast feeding, or something I needed to worry about.

In the end I persevered with feeding, but I did seek support from the infant feeding team via the 0-19 service who provided support via video call and agreed with me that maybe something wasn’t right, I was finding feeding extremely painful and resorted to using nipple shields for every feed, which for a mum who was used to just whipping out a boob to feed, having to remember to wash and sterilise and pack them in the change bag ready for every feed- which there were many! Was exhausting! I also found Parker didn’t stay latched for very long, and that he didn’t create a good seal, most of the milk just dribbled out the other side of his mouth soaking my t-shirts! He fed for ages, and ages, luckily he was gaining weight, but on reality this was probably the reason we didn’t get support!

I did see the maxillo-facial department as I was referred to them by the infant feeding team, and despite my symptoms, they told me he had no tongue tie and to get some more tips and tricks for breast feeding, I then explained Im a midwife and am pretty confident with all the tips and tricks, which did make the dr take a moment and ask me if I thought there was a tongue tie! Pretty silly really as I wouldn’t have gone to the appointment if I didn’t! Parker had a posterior tongue tie which the dr was not prepared to correct despite our symptoms

At this moment in time I felt useless, I doubted my ability to feed my baby, I doubted my clinical assessment of a tongue tie, and I felt pretty awful overall! I battled with my doubts and booked a private assessment, worried I was wasting money we didn’t have, just to be told the same thing.

As it turns out, it was the best money I’ve ever spent!! I saw the most wonderful woman who did the most thorough assessment and basically told me I’m not crazy and yes he does have a tongue tie and did she want me to correct it! As of that moment after 9 long and painful weeks I feel like my breast feeding journey properly started.

What I’m trying to say is that our bodies are incredible and however you choose to feed your babies (mine have had it all!) is the best choice for you. Breast feeding can be tough, breast feeding can be easy, as can formula feeding and giving expressed milk. Take the time to listen to your mama instinct and try not to doubt you’ve got this!

Happy Breast Feeding Awareness Week! Wherever you are in your journey never be afraid to ask for support.